I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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