No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
