No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
