Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
