Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
