If i come over, it means nothing
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
