Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am naked and annoyed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
