But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
