i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
