i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
