you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
