Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
