Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
