You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
