wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
