I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
