I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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