I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
