In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
