How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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