Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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