You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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