I think im going to throw up on grandma
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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