His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
