Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
