im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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