He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
