Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
