So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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