I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
