If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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