He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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