Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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