I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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