dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
