then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
