So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
