we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
