only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
