Sry I called you an 8
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
