things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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