The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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