Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
