Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
