you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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