I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
