your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
