When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
