Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so let's talk penis.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
