Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
