We're facebook friends in real life
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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