every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
