There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
