We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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