totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
