I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
