Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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