So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
