Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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