the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my sisters under your porch take her home
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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